RUBIRC FOR MEN

TO DATE ANYONE WITHIN THE ORGANIZATION OF LISABOT

YOU WILL BE GRADED ON THE FOLLOWING:

1. height. sorry, that's just the way it goes. 5'10'' to 6'3'' is considered acceptable.
2. weight. as pertains to height, not to fat, not to thin
3. hair. figure somthing out. make it right.
4. past girlfriends. if they are crazy shitty bitches then forget it. that means you probably are too.
5. everything superficial. this is manhattan, it's not a surprise.
6. talents. you must be really friggin talented at something. and it can't be like juggling or slicing meat. it has to be something good.
7. ins. yeah. you must have ins somewhere. we are not interested in someonethat is helpless. that is just not attractive.
8. kissing. duh. if you don't know who to kiss a girl by now... well, your just f*d.
9. date. it better be a good date. if it's not, do not expect any respect from LisaBot of any of our affliates.
10. roses. if you have EVER given roses, or would ever even CONSIDER giving a girl roses, drop dead. that is lame.

IT HAS BEEN LONG AWAITED, SORRY TO OUR DECICATED READERSHIP FOR THE WAIT. OF COURSE THERE ARE INFINITE STIPULATIONS AND HALF OF IT IS PROBABLY TOTALLY FALSE.

FULLY LOADED

if you watch a girl drink all friggin night and stumble over to a pizzaria at 3am and say hello to everyone working there, all of whom are total strangers, and you get in an argument and all she says at the end of everything you say is "of couse you think that", how the hell are you taking this seriously?

armed with a cell phone with 'unlimited-nights-and-weekends' and a helluvalota redbullvodka a notirous LisaBot representative known as THE MONSTERLISA stolled through Greenwich and into Soho, dialing... and as you can imagine, success was hers. many voicemails were left in a munchkin voice, many ideas recorded and forgotten.

c'est la vie.

THE DEVIL TOOTS THIS LITTLE FUCKING HORN

ATTENTION

we have lift off here in the offices of LISAfuckinBOT. here is SoHo shit goes down. yeah, movie stars, models and music "artists" walk the streets all over the place. and yes. they are up in our grill. but they are here for what? the other stars? no. lisabot supposes no. they are here because they can feel, with their extra radical hipshit sense that there is a PARTYMACHINE down here. yeah. and lisabot knows what's up with that.

shit's about to blow.

LAME POST MANIA

so i am bored and a little spacey and start scrolling through the blogs with the friggin button up to the right "view next blog" or whatever. and i know my shit is a little pathetic but wholly crap. this is really mean but some dude is like quoting the entire last zillion pages from the last book in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. oh boy. i don't know if anyone ever looks at all that crap but don't bother. i vow to never put a bunch of shitty pap on here.

my roommate is pissed because i left the burner on again. for those of you who know... yes the entire readership... the man is off his rocker. he made me call the guy that's in charge of the art show in South Beach in May because the guy has been screening his calls. and i did it! i am out of my mind too. geez. so i am on the phone w/ this dude and like "Uhhh... so i'm BLEEP'S roommate... we were wondering if your okay???..." totally ridiculous. if my roommate ever moves out of the living room and back into his room (with his sheepskin rug for a mattress bed) at least i don't have to talk crazy talk whenever i want a glass of milk or something. "this is catastrophic"

so what that's lame too.
oh fuck it.

foptastic

a fop is a dandy.
a fop is a boy.
a fop might have brown pants bought from Banana Republic and meant to be returned the next day.
a fop forgets is beret and wishes for it when it's cold out.

let's go fop arouns town. fop up and down, fop in and out.
above all
fop to and fro.

knit mittens on men are fopish.
if you see a man in plaid english hunting pants, do not mistake him for a fop.
he is probably a dandy.
but if you yell "hey fop, what are you doing fopping all up in this hood and getting foppous all over the place" out your car window at the dandy by acciedent,

the dandy will yell back "fuck fops. i'm no fop, i drink manhattans and slap fops with the metaphorical leather glove."

HEY HO LETS GO

Dr. Dentist Andy has now topped the charts of harrassment throughout the Lisabot offices. specifically we are studying gums and the circulatory system and just wanted to ask his opinion of the left ventricle. however a dentist is a busy life, a busy (and v. chill) existence. all those teeth. "there are 8 million people in New York and each of them has 32 teeth." whoa, easy buddy, there is more than just teeth in New York. i heard there was a specific "magic stick" making its way up to Washington Heights Saturday, for instance.

the italian mafia just fixed electrical equiptment in our offices. consider us taken care of...

a special parting note, a poem...
By one famous MI -> MT -> NY poet...

the night i brought a chocolate cake
and two tall boys and was rude
and forgot to ask you
if you wanted anything from the store...

AND NOW A WORD FROM THE PRESIDENT

damn it feels good...

la caverna housed three very drunk individuals and an alien last night in the east village. topics of discussion as follows: stalagmites, michael jackson, one drunk night in Michigan, and a certain brief of information that had otherwise slipped under the radar. "unprofessionalism" was a kind was of reviewing it. but Lisabot will not stoop to publishing smut. but a collected utterance from the office: we are just glad that we didn't have to find that out.

i guess i didn't know

by request Lisabot is revealing the alias of the formerly known man as the boot. adam. and to anyone interested, he is cut. he's out. bottom line, Lisabot will not, under any circumstances support that kind of bullshit.

an appearance of the last seen Howel will be taking place tonight in Manhattan. last time Lisabot representatives had the pleasure of acquaintance the Howel slept using his deflated air mattress as a blanket. tonite will not disappoint.

we pose a question to our resident dentist: is using mouthwash the same as flossing? deep questions deserve deep consideration. take a break from gingivitis and let us know. how the hell do you spell gingevitus anyways? please consider both questions.

cause real gansta ass niggas can't run fast

DEEP IN THE HEART OF SoHo

now that Lisabot offices are back in full swing...

the boot is extinct. a hooray rises from the crowd. however the foot in full health seems to be proweling somewhat beyond the realm of Lisabot and our associates. it was sited in Greenwich recently and in Billysburg within the last twenty-four hours. the updates are minimal and the source well most likely be cut loose as it seems determined to be.

but not to despair.

general debautchery amoung a certain group of New York writers has exploded through social circles and out onto the internet. our sources say there has been an imposter invented and destroyed within a matter of one week. poor form guys. despite the few weak moments of character the CWP has been reported to be more successful and fulfilling than ever before. cheers to this spring's faculty writers.

out in the world

the o has abandoned the city and moved to greater pastures of this fine country. he will be forever loved and reveared as a sparkling gem of New York City. there is a place here for him at any beck or call.

W.S. Merwin has developed into an asset here in the offices, while a 5 beet line benefits our work here much greater than weak line breaks due to a strict 10 syllable line. to thank for this we has one Dusty Starhole, gratitude.

as for the poetry by God, we have recently received word that he is not actually in the monday night workshop, but it was an intesting and remembered notion.

Ron Howard was sighted near our offices. we engage our deepest compliments to his dog's sweater. magnificent choice Ron.