ESL, FOR REALS

Eh, the intellectual Canadian endevor continues... spelling errors are free... Post by Miss Behavior:

"I find myself getting further and further removed from any semblance of education I might have participated in... is it Canada? Is it me? Is it the English Language? yes. all.

Compound problems in the Candian adventure are as follows:

complete breakdown of english language leading to massive anger management problems, chat insults and a deep fear of grammar, this all began with just a stray scrap of card board...

also, extreme cold temperatures accounting for complete lack of movement and stifling quanties of sleep...

and surely not least (2)--
the audio-robotic escapades of a CERTAIN SOMEONE(!) is putting a strain on household moral,

not to mention ridiculously loud movement happening in one bedroom (is there a Nintendo powerpad in there? is she lifting her bed and dropping it? is she raising her computer monitor high over her head and dropping it... again and again? karate?)...
NOISE NOISE NOISE, EVERYWHERE, NOISE.

"hiye-yah."

THE SEQUEL

"like, totally."

Mermaids

Mermaids can be patient.

BODY SHOTS

get with it. get with Beyonce, please. get with body shots,

Leonard Cohen? NO THANKS!

Posted by music diety: Dingo Varrick

What the hell is wrong with Leonard Cohen fans?! Seriously. SERIOUSLY. what do they think they are listening to? sure, you may think he is a genius... well maybe that is because you think a genius is someone who arranges and plays music that sounds like musicians went to a garbage dump, sifted through the trash, and found a few f*ed up instruments and starts playing. and then some a$$hole recorded it... and now Leonard Cohen fans have their next installment.

Please. IT SOUNDS LIKE NOISE. noise. please, people. liking something that is super 'mysterious' in sound quality and logic DOES NOT make you have "good" taste. you like it because you think you should. probably someone told you his song lyrics are as good as poetry. you are an idiotic fool. his lyrics are nothing like poetry. poetry does not have music behind it. and-- you can't even understand what he is saying/singing/groaning. oh, i get it, this is one of those songwriters where you have to read through the little booklet the comes in the cd... oh, yeah, there are his song lyrics... name one poet (other than Bukowski, who sucks) that writes that badly. there you go, now you're getting it... THEY ARE SONG LYRICS... riiight.

now stop pushing that shit like it is poptarts. seriously. anyone who ever listens to it think YOU are a friggin fool wit hbad taste. you just like it because someone told you it was good, and maybe they told you it is 'under the radar' or something. don't be an a$$, please, just give it up. it's awful.

i would rather listen to 48 consecutive car accidents (with no one injured) than spend even 5 min listening to such crappy doodoo.

do yourself a favor:
give
it
up.

How To Date a (future) Beefcake

STEP 1:
Put on a cute outfit and look good.

STEP 2:
Have a couple cocktails.

STEP 3:
Smile.

STEP 4:
Tell him he should go to the gym more often.

Please DO try this at home ladies...

BELLY TOP JEANIE

LisaBot rep, Miss Behavior, suspects that tomorrow night will be the second grand spectacular siting of the notorious BELLY TOP JEANIE. the Belly Top Jeanie has long since the canadain adventure began, been a favorite our ours! the Belly Top Jeanie can be identified by the following: A man with a HUGE belly, one so huge the area which hangs over the waistband of his pants also hangs below the hem of his dirt t-shirt... this, in a sense, the "belly top"... also, he will smell like an insane mixture of fish, clams, sand, salt water and booz... he may or man not be wearing a hat... he most certainly can not read, and does not navigate social terrain with nay sense of sanity or (might we dare?!) manners...
there is a blue show tomorrow night at the ONLY local bar, the entertainer is a close confidant of LisaBot representatives... we desperately hope there is a second Belly Top Jeanie... during the first siting the bar-owner apologized for his outbursts and asked his he had HURT anyone! His powers are magical and strange... we can only hope to serve as an audience to his supernatural belly-top world.

HIGH-YIE-YIE TIDES

Reporting for LisaBot INC, Miss Behavior.

Today weather is calm and things are melting. Sink is till not "In Full Effect"... one Atlantic City man was seen brushing his teeth over the edge of the bathtub... LisaBot advice: use the downstairs bathroom...

There are clown-fish slippers on the loose in these parts-- citings include one woman jumping around on a Nintendo Power Pad.

Honey seems to be comsumed in mass quantites by the locals. Honey in everything.

Local fisherman scoffed at the LisaBot request to 'ride along' on a fishing excursion, seems they feel their works is too serious to have LisaBot rep, Miss Behavior, aboard with camera and wayfarers... We can not imagine why they would decline.

DO I LOOK LIKE A PLUMBER?!

Lisabot reps are quickly moving to Canada to address a certain plumbing crisis... Though it is through no fault of her own, Miss Behavior has somehow taken responsibility for the above pipe and inherently become a mother to three grown men and an adult chinese woman. How does she do it, you ask? well, we have no idea, things could fall apart at any moment...

In other Lisabot news, Pokey Northridge may be touring in Vermont this spring. Sources say there is a great deal of interest in having a Lisabot rep so close to dear old pals. Pokey Northridge has some affiliations with locals there which were developed some years ago in Montana... this particular individuals are excessive and immature and we think this wioll make for nothing but a great time and great posts.

ICE FLIZZ-OW

Posted by Miss Behavior:

Yo son, it is colder everyday. It is very likely future posts will be comprehensive reporting on INSIDE goings-ons. Aiy-chee wa wa. Locals report information on waterr temperatures: actual time of hypothermia is 8 min. After 10, you die. I believe them.

Frozen seaweed @ low tide.

They got cannons everywhere, y'all.

Almost High Tide

WHY NOT?

Codene Fantasy

Recent revelations by Miss Behavior:

In Canada they sell pain reliever with Codene over the counter... many deep thoughts about that. But one particularily: my oral surgeon wouldn't even give me ANY (5, even 2 would have sufficed) but no... No, he couldn't help me out AT ALL. What a tight-ass. Here you can buy it as easily as M&M's. huh.

Low Tide

The Wharf

I'm Cold Too

yeah, they're polarized.

It's Cold Up Here

Post by Miss Behavior:

Today, it's really friggin' cold. This picture was taken from the deck to the coffee shop.

canadacanadacanadacanada

This note was recently recovered after being mis-sorted in the mailroom. Our correspondent, Miss Behavior, was originally supposed to cover celebrity citings in Atlantic City but has apparently gone AWOL. We now know she is in Canada. Her exact location in unknown at this time. The folowing is the correspondence in its entirety:

hi. i'm here. in canada. it's great.

the town i am in does not have a bar. it has a coffee shop that turns into a bar 4 nights a week. it charges a $5 cover every one of those 4 nights. the town has a liquor store that gives a the correct exchange rate though, which is very exciting.

there is a dollar store. but a lot of the things for a sale are a little more than a dollar.

there is the tides. the tide change here is the most of anywhere in the whole wide world. 26ft.

i met a clam digger the other night who had knocked up a girl with a lazy eye. i met them in the bar, she was drinking water. responsible. they are thinking of naming it Miranda if it is a girl. no thoughts about if it is a boy. the clam digger thought he might want to name it after me. that was a little uncomfortable.

i searched myspace to see if there are any cyber friends for me in this area. nothing.

i live with a blind fellow who feels bad for himself and two male writers.

tonight i put on red lipstick to write this. i might go to the coffee shop/bar but i would be horribly overdressed.

i told some locals i was doing research for NASA and that i was watching the tide change, recording it because we are thinking about shooting off some rockets in the area. one of the locals then told me he was from amsterdam. then his friend said he wasn't. then one of then accused the other of doing the hiel hitler sign. i left.